10 Things the Funeral Home Won’t Tell You

by  Karin Mortensen and Michael Hagerty, County of Marin Commissioner on Aging, Professor Emeritus, UC Davis

There are so many tips out there for planning a funeral that you may feel overwhelmed by all options. Many of the guides and how-to manuals are put out there by funeral homes, and, while most funeral information is truly meant to be helpful, there may be a few things the funeral home or director may not tell you unless you inquire specifically.

Here is our collection of the most helpful and least-known tips we’ve discovered: 10 things the funeral home won’t tell you.

Pre-planning your funeral and making your final arrangements in advance is a great idea. Not only does it save your loved ones from being forced to make difficult and emotional decisions, but it will give you peace of mind knowing that things are in order.

But pre-planning does not need to mean pre-payment; in fact, pre-paying your funeral costs is generally a bad idea. Most pre-payment plans do not include all costs, so your relatives will still have to deal with “additional fees” and other unexpected service charges. Also, if you outlast the funeral home (if it goes out of business), then everything you paid to the funeral home is lost.

So we recommend pre-planning, just don’t go in for pre-paid funeral services.

Most funeral homes offer rentals which you can use for the memorial or funeral service. This is a great tip that can save you from paying too much for a casket you can’t afford or an urn you don’t want from the funeral home, and can also help you save on costly overnight shipping charges when ordering an urn or castket online.

• Casket rental – You can often rent a very attractive, high-end casket for use during the service. The body will generally be in a sturdy cardboard container which is placed inside the premium casket during the viewing and/or memorial service. Afterwards the cardboard container will be removed and buried or taken to the crematorium for cremation. This allows you to have the respectability of a beautiful casket during the public service without the premium cost attached to it.

• Urn rental – If you don’t like, want, or can’t afford one of the cremation urns that the funeral home offers, you can purchase one online. If you choose something unique or customized, it may take several days to several weeks to produce the urn. In the meantime, the memorial service can go forward using a rental from the funeral home. We often suggest this option to our customers when a service is in the next few days and rush shipping charges on the cremation urn will double the cost – instead, rent an urn for the service, then the one you really want will arrive soon after.

Speaking of shopping online, the prices on the web will almost always be more affordable than the exact same item at the funeral home. Despite any impression to the contrary you may receive from the funeral director, you are not required to purchase an urn or casket from them.

In fact, the funeral home is legally required to use the container you provide, and will fill the cremation urn for you upon your request.

If you’re not comfortable shopping online, or if you just don’t want to hassle with another thing to do, you can still find more affordably-priced caskets and urns at the funeral home. They tend to display the premium items in the showroom, along with a few cheaper models that give you the impression that you are looking at the whole spectrum of options. But if you really want to save on costs, just ask if they have any more budget-friendly options in the back.

There is no law that requires you to use or purchase a casket for cremation. Every provider of cremation services is required to inform you that alternative containers (such as cardboard) are available.

Veterans and spouses of veterans can obtain free burial and other services, such as perpetual care and personalized headstones, through the National Cemetery Administration of the U.S. Department of Veteran’s Affairs.

Many funeral homes will offer packages that ostensibly save you money, but those often include services you may not want or even need. Funeral homes are required to provide itemized price lists for all services if you ask for one. You can even do this without leaving your home – consumer protection laws require that funeral costs be provided over the phone if you call in.

While most funeral directors are honest and helpful, you may get a pushy-salesman type who will try to sell you more than you need. Or perhaps you feel pressure from family and friends to make everything “just right”. Or maybe without any explicit prodding, the vast arrange of options makes you feel like you need to accept more of the services the funeral home offers than you might under different circumstances.

Whatever the situation, remember that almost all of the services offered by the funeral home are optional, including:

• Embalming
• Viewing
• Burial vaults
• Flowers
• Transportation services
• Casket (you can rent and/or buy elsewhere)
• Urn (you can rent and/or buy elsewhere)
• Burial (you can choose cremation)
• Cremation (you can choose burial)
• Casket for cremation
• Seals, liners, etc
• Warranties

In most states (excepting  Louisiana, Nebraska, Illinois, New Jersey, New York, Indiana, Michigan and Connecticut), you are not required to use a licensed funeral home or director at all. You can arrange and conduct the memorial or funeral in your home. However, it generally is advisable to have the knowledge, resources, and assistance that a professional can provide.

Since funeral arrangements are often a new experience for most people, the words and terminology used can subtly influence how you think about the options and services available at a funeral home.

For instance, many funeral homes or crematoriums will have “temporary urn” stamped onto the container in which the remains are returned to you. This can be misleading, because implies that you need to purchase a “permanent urn”.  While many people do in fact purchase a different container specifically designed to be a beautiful and lasting memorial, the true “permanent urn” is any container you choose to house the remains.

Another term often used is “traditional”, which can exert a subtle pressure on you to conform to what people normally do. If you’re presented with a “traditional” and a “budget” casket, don’t decide based on the words used by the funeral home but rather think through what you want and what you feel is appropriate to spend.

In all fairness, adjectives such as “traditional” and “temporary” are common usage and helpful for explaining products and services within the funeral industry. We use both of these terms (and many other similar ones) regularly on our website, because they reflect both the common usage and actual practices associated with the terms. But we do want you to be aware of the implications of certain terms (especially adjectives), and know that the final decision of what is right for your loved one is up to you and your family.

If you ask, funeral homes must give you a written statement and explanation of all costs associated with the funeral, burial, and/or cremation services you have chosen. This is helpful in making sure that you aren’t charged unneccessary fees for services or products you do not want.

When planning a funeral, it’s a good idea to bring another person along whenever you are shopping for or deciding on funeral services. Ideally this is a person who was not as close to the decedent, as they will be able to offer a less emotionally invested opinion on the choices you’ll be making.